You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
