my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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