Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
