9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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