Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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