Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
