mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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