did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
