so explain again why im purple
no
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
