im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
