I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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