Can i not drive my cunt home
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
