WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
