ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
His nipple licking is glorious
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