I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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