Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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