the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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