I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
