i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
