the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
