i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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