I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
