Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize