If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
