About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
