i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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