you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
