I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
