I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
