Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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