Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is my gift to your gina
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need water and some morals
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
