I want to have your abortion
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
