My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
