i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
