DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
