my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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