I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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