i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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