your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
