I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
