I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize