Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
the liver wants what the liver wants
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
