Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have aggressive nipples.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize