He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
