dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
