Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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