I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
