I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
