She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
