i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize