i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
