I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You are a genius and a whore.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize