umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
