The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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