If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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