We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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