ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
