On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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