cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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