You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
