so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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