I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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