I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
