i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
