didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm like, not good at living.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
