i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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