Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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